THIVK. Test. Take Control

• “I think I’m negative. Why test?”
• “I can’t test again because I tested recently”
• “I gave a blood sample. They must’ve tested me for HIV”
• “If I’ve got HIV, isn’t it better not to know?”
• “I couldn’t cope with testing positive”
• “If I test positive I’ll lose the people I care about”
• “If people know I have HIV they’ll say hurtful things”
• “If I test positive I could never have sex again”
• “Test positive and I’ll be put on HIV drugs straight away”
• “If I test positive I might lose my job”
• “Can boyfriends stop using condoms if they test?”
• “Testing could risk my relationship”
• “Is it true testing’s never been easier?”
• “Testing takes too long”
• “I must wait three months after unsafe sex before testing”
• “All HIV tests are the same”
• “Testing means problems with mortgages or life insurance”
• “If I test positive my details go on an official list”
• “I can’t test. I hate needles”

“Can boyfriends stop using condoms if they test?”

Some couples carry on using condoms to protect each other from any risk, but others want to stop using them. The safest way to do this is to use HIV testing.

Here’s a step-by-step guide.

1. Talk to each other about whether you both feel you can deal with the honesty and trust needed to make this work.
2. Talk about how you feel about testing and what you’d do if one of you tests positive.
3. It’s important to have an agreement about whether you’ll only have sex with each other, or is sex with others allowed? If so, what kind of sex (in terms of HIV risk) is OK?
4. Whatever agreement you decide on, what happens if one of you breaks it? This could end in disaster if either of you feel you can’t be honest and tell the other. This risks one of you getting HIV from outside the relationship and giving it to your partner.
5. Before abandoning condoms you both need to test, preferably together, so that you know the other has tested and what the result was.
6. If you both get negative tests, stick with condoms for another three months, then take a second test. This makes totally sure the first negative results were accurate (that the first test didn’t miss a recent infection).
7. Are your second tests are both negative? Then you can give up condoms knowing you’ve taken steps to make it as safe as possible.
8. Keep communicating. If one of you breaks the agreement or anything happens that might bring HIV into your relationship, tell the other straight away. Go back to condoms until a test can show everything’s OK.

“Testing could risk my relationship”

One sure way to wreck a relationship is if one partner infects the other because they didn’t realise they had HIV. Too many couples find themselves in this position. What’s scarier: telling your partner you’ve had a test (maybe because you had sex with another man)? Or giving him HIV when you could’ve stopped this by testing earlier?